Text Offender (digigasm) wrote,
Text Offender
digigasm

I should be a columnist for those stupid chick magazines I see at the checkout line.

5 ways to please your man.
  1. Give up the fucking poonanny once in awhile. Even if you don't feel like having intercourse, blow, suck, stroke, let him fuck your armpit, whatever. He does things for you that he doesn't necessarily feel like doing but he does them anyway because he cares about you. Reciprocate. Making your man cum 2-3 times per week is the easiest way to ensure loyalty and smooth relations.

  2. Don't pounce on him the second he gets home from work by giving him a rundown of the problems you had that day. Usually his head is still swimming with work problems. Give hime 20 minutes to put his shit down; both figuratively and literally. If you have to interact at all in the first 20 minutes give him a hug and tell him that you're glad he's home.

  3. Don't force responsibility on him. Share responsibility with him.

  4. Touch his skin, hair, thigh, whatever disgusts you the least. Let him know that you think he's the sexiest piece of ass in town. If you don't feel this way--PRETEND.

  5. Don't trivialize his feelings. If he shares a sentiment with you the worst thing you can do is roll your eyes and express contempt.

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