Text Offender (digigasm) wrote,
Text Offender

I'm having a problem keeping it together

That was fun.

My quest today was to find metric thumb screws so I didn't have a find a fucking screwdriver every time I want to move my drum machine from my drumset to my desk.

Try to find a place that you can walk into that will sell you a metric thumb screw. Go on. I'll wait.

Fuck that, no I won't.

I started at Home Depot because I remember seeing something like screws there before. I looked for awhile and couldn't find anything metric. I asked one of the flunkies in the orange smock if he could help me find metric thumb screws. I said I already looked a little but I couldn't find them. He said, "If it's not on the wall we don't have it." Fuck you very much. If you don't want to help me I'll go somewhere else.

Next I called Tacoma Screw because they have the word "Screw" in their name. I asked the person who answered if they carried metric thumb screws. "We don't carry anything like that." You don't carry anything like that? I just assumed from your name that you were in the business of helping people screw. This fuckhead couldn't even recommend somebody who might carry what I'm looking for.

Next on the list was Ace Hardware. I got more of the same "get off my back" attitude. They, at least, suggested I try Champion Bolt Supply in Everett. I told the dude to give the message to his boss that America isn't the only country in the world; everybody else uses metric. Get with the fucking program.

Champion Bolt Supply didn't offer what I'm looking for either but they said they could sell me a cap that would clamp on the head of the screw to kinda get what I was looking for.

At this point I was pissed off. I went back to Home Depot and grabbed the first person in an orange smock to make eye contact with me. "Take me to your boss," said I. When I met the boss I said, "take me to your boss." Finally I got to somebody that said their boss was in Austin or something. Good. I've got the top guy. I gave him my supply and demand speech that goes something like this: "I demand metric thumb screws and I'm not leaving until you either supply them or help me find somebody that can." I also reminded him that their company's advertisements led me to believe that they would be eager to help me. They weren't able to find thumb screws but they did find me some hex bolts that had a ciped head large enough to use as a thumb screw.

Screw it.

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