I am being the laziest I've ever been at a time when I should be working the hardest. I have no motivation to do anything. It's not depression because when I'm depressed I don't even want to get up in the morning. Depression feels more like simple, everyday tasks are impossibly difficult. When I'm really depressed I don't even want to brush my hair or take a shower because it seems like I can't handle the work. Depression says "I can't. It's too hard."
This says something more like "Why bother?" I don't mind getting up in the morning. I don't mind brushing teeth. But once I'm up, I don't feel like doing anything except maybe listening to music. I need a live-in shrink.
Maybe I'm being too hard on myself (I said hard on). Maybe I'm having a bit of peace and happiness and just enjoying it. Not likely.
I think part of the problem is that there is so much I want to do and learn; too much. So much I can't possibly imagine attaining any level of success with any of them.
