Text Offender (digigasm) wrote,
Text Offender
digigasm

A few people have mentioned that they are looking forward to meeting me on Saturday. Why? I don't know. I suspect it's because Corinne is such a totally awesome frickin' person and people are curious to find out what kind of person she chose to marry.

Experience has taught me, though, that people expect me to be the same fun-loving, energetic, social person that she is. We're yin and yang rather than peas-in-a-pod. Where she is optimistic I am pessimistic. Where she is flighty and chatty I am intense and quiet. Where she is thin I am thick. And so on. When people meet me expecting Mr. Social Butterfly it usually results in misunderstanding, discomfort, and a generally negative social encounter. I don't want that. I want to facilitate comfort and joy. So I'm going to tell you a bit about myself in hopes that doing so will allow you to form realistic expectations and prepare you for some of my peculiarities.


Social Anxiety
I've got it. There are people that can walk with confidence into a room full of people they don't know. There are people that can approach strangers and strike up conversations. I am not one of these people. Large crowds make me uncomfortable. When I'm around a bunch of people I don't know I become subdued and cautious. I don't introduce myself. I don't speak unless spoken to. Many make the mistake of thinking I behave this way because I don't like them. I am just slow to warm up.

Chit-Chat
I don't really like talking. Words are dangerous devices that need to be wielded with care but there are many among us that use words carelessly and excessively. Talking for it's own sake annoys me. There are some things I enjoy talking about. For starters you can look at my LJ interests to get an idea of what I like talking about. And then there are things I will not talk about. Here's a short list:

  • My Job. I strongly dislike my job and I only endure it because I must. I have a sneaking suspicion that people who want me to talk about my job are really just trying to gauge how much money I make. Fuck off and mind your own business.
  • Television. I don't watch it. I don't like it. I did not see that funny Budweiser commercial and I don't want you to explain it to me.
  • Sports. In my opinion most sports are simply a device to keep people pacified and distracted by unimportant things. Sports are also a convenient excuse males use to talk to one another and spend time together. There are some sports I like (Tennis, Boxing, Hockey) but I don't know enough about any of them to talk about them.
  • Weather. Boring.
  • Religion
  • Government
  • Politics

I will talk to you and I'll try to be polite. Just don't expect me to speak first and don't expect me to keep the conversation flowing. I have a tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I have a tendency to offend unintentionally. I often regret opening my mouth (in fact, I'll probably regret even posting this).

Imitation
Not very common among casual acquaintances but alcohol consumption increases the likelihood of this happening. I sometimes imitate people. Mostly laughs and voices. When I imitate you I'm not making fun of you. If I imitate you it's a positive indication that I'm into you. I dig you. I'm down with your vibe.

Tobacco
I chew tobacco. I'm not proud of it. On the contrary, I'm quite ashamed of it. I've tried to quit many times but I haven't been successful yet. I try to avoid chewing in front of people. When I must, though, I take pains to be as discreet as possible. I'm well aware of the (undeserved)stigma attached to chewing tobacco. But I guarantee that I will not get any on you. Your clothes will not smell of it. If you don't want to kiss me, I understand. If it bothers you all you have to do is look away.

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