October 6th, 2003

max

(no subject)

I brought my son (I make sure to refer to him as my best buddy when I introduce him) to work with me today. He wanted something to play with so I opened my drawer to see what toys I had available. Inside the drawer were a hacky-sack and a stress/squeeze ball thing. He shouted, in his normal tone; +30db, "Daddy! I could play with your balls!"

I don't need to say that my coworkers were amused.
max

(no subject)

The chemicals aren't doing enough to ease my

lonliness,
isolation,
cowardice,
frustration,
anger,
self-doubt,
jealousy,
hatred,
disgust,
lack of direction,
cynicism,
helplessness,
pessimism, and
hopelessness.

There are days when the world is just overwhelmingly hostile.
These are the days
I just want to flip a switch.
I want to pretend I'm not responsible.
I want to pretend I'm not involved.

The absence of thought is the ideal
but ideals are unreachable by definition.

I was supposed to mature.
I was supposed to outgrow this.
How much longer
do I have to endure this?