November 29th, 2003

duval

(no subject)

I think the weather is getting to me.

I think wasting a 4-day weekend trying to shake the flu is getting to me.

I think there should be a way to earn "points" through public service and you can redeem points for the ability to avoid responsibility. I desperately need to snap but the consequences are holding me back.

I think a weekend trip to TX is in order.
max

punch a hole through the neural net.

I have yet to choose the method by which I will end it but I have chosen the day. The last day of November, fifteen years from tomorrow.

Fifteen years from right now I will be nervous eager anxious because tomorrow will be the day.
  • Current Mood
    circulate poison; fall asleep
max

(no subject)

I was born with neither the ability nor the desire to cope with the pain. Too much pain. Too little reward. It is obvious that somebody benefits from my suffering. Otherwise I would be allowed, even encouraged, to end it quickly. Who benefits? Not the people I would hope, I'm sure.

"Pain is a necessary contrast to joy." If those are the rules, I don't want to play.

"You are not alone. Others feel the same pain." I am too consumed to worry about others.

I want to write something worth reading. I want people to tell me that what I have written has affected them.

I want people to leave me alone and mind their own business.


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