Text Offender (digigasm) wrote,
Text Offender
digigasm

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Sunday, Jizznuly 21:

I have pissed the weekend away and now find in my possession only 8 hours to study for my Interpersonal Communications mid-term. Fortunately, the prof. supplied a study guide. I study feverishly for 6.5 hours and am half as far as I think I need to be.

Monday, Jinnagulinnagye 22:

I decide to take a "15 minute break" and lie down. Two hours later I wake up, look at the time and admit that I will have to take my mid-term without the luxury of a full brain or clean body. I find a pencil, a notebook and my car keys. As I'm driving to campus, I notice my speedometer is pointing to "0". I am going at least 60 mph. I feel a moment of calm acceptance of the chaos. I feel as if I am a time traveler.

I arrive to the classroom just in time. When the tests are handed out, I am pleasantly surprised to see that the questions are taken directly from the study guide.

Tuesday, July 23:

I skip class. I visit with my doctor. He gives me a 30 day supply of Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors -- antidepressants. "Prepare for Puppy" day. I have a major breakthrough in my investigation of fireplace disassembly. I am able to remove 1/2 of the weight while still preserving the possibility of reassembly at a later date. I bribe the neighbors into helping with the back-work with the promise of beer. After nearly slipping some spinal discs and a few minor scrapes the fireplace now resides in the garage where I'm sure it will make an excellent new home for the needy arachnids. I set up the puppy crate and glance longingly at my drums knowing that it'll be awhile. I rearrange furniture in an orientation conducive to puppy house-training. I drink many bottles of Miller Genuine Draft at the neighbors' house and referee as they fight. I return home with a plesant beer-buzz and get started writing a paper and finding a movie clip for my group presentation on nonverbal communication1; both due in the morning. I barfed something into paragraphs and chose Sara Goldfarb's monologue from "Requiem for a Dream" as the movie clip.

Wed-nes-day comma July 24 colon

During my 2 hours of sleep I have my first school anxiety dream. In the dream I have turned my paper in. The prof. takes the paper, tears it into bits, and tells me to "come back after I've actually read the chapter". I wake up in time to take a shower and print my paper. I drive to school, turn in my paper, and give my presentation. I receive my graded mid-term. 100%.

Home. I pick up wife and kids. Drop off kids. Go to store. Buy road munchies. Drive to Spokane. It's fucking hot in the desert. My wife and I pass the time by playing with each other's genitalia while speeding along I-90 at 80 mph. I resisted the urge to pull over to the shoulder and fuck her silly in the passenger seat while families in minivans and truckers speed past. We are on a schedule and I've only had 2 hours of sleep.

We drive through Spokane and point the car toward the middle of nowhere. I am trusting only my finely tuned road instincts at this point because the middle of nowhere does not appear in sufficient detail on the map. We arrive at the middle of nowhere later than expected because of poorly executed road construction. We meet the breeder and many fine doggies. The breeder gives us a couple days' food rations for puppy. I give her the remaining amount of money owed. The puppy is beautiful. We name him Claus to the breeder's disgust.

Driving home is an exercise in will power. Wife can't drive safely in the dark. I am a sleep deprived zombie. Lukily, Claus neither urinates, defacates, nor vomits as I had expected. He preferred sleep. Somehow we get home alive. The windshield crack has been upgraded in priority from "6 inch well I'll fix it someday" to "crack running through the entire center, Jesus, I have to fix it soon". I introduced Claus to his bed inside a steel cage. He went to sleep. So did I.

Thursday, July 25:

I skip class. Carpet has first bittersweet taste of puppy piss. Claus swallows raw chicken necks whole. Children act strangely. I go to work.

Friday, July 26: (puppy discovers his bark)

I finally get more than 4 hours of sleep today. Claus feels comfortable enough in his new home to bark very VERY loudly. Wife is already considering giving up on housebreaking Claus but she is devoted to feeding him healthy meals. I take a nap while Wife takes kids to Wal-Mart. I wake up to loud barking when they get home. Carpet is again moistened by dog piss. I help with Claus and kids. I take another nap. I wake up, masturbate, shower, and go to work.
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