Text Offender (digigasm) wrote,
Text Offender

  • Mood:
Why am I up at 4:00am? Well, you see, I'm on call. I am working. Will my suffering be appreciated? No. In fact, I'll probably get "talked to" because I passed out for a couple of hours.

It's been awhile since I ranted about this and I need to get it out. I thought I had surrendered to my fate. But every few days I am reminded that I have sold my soul. I am a sellout. The main problem is that I can't decide whether that's a good thing or not.

I've traded my physical and mental health. I've traded my happiness and longevity. What have I gotten in return? A nice house, a nice car, a dog, a drum set. Basically everything I've ever wanted. Now that the transaction is complete I wonder if I got a good deal. My gut tells me "no".

I keep telling myself that I'll start eating healthier when I have the time. I'll exercise more when I have a more stable schedule. I'll quit using nicotine when my stress level is lower. But I am unable to find a way to free up some time or stablize my schedule or lower my stress without impacting everything else. There are simply no other jobs out there that pay what I make. My anxiety stems from this bitter soil.

If I keep doing what I'm doing I'm going to keep getting fatter. My cough is going to keep getting worse. I'm going to slowly deteriorate into a monster that nobody wants to be around.

My new dream-job would be something that has a set, static, and fair schedule. Say, 9-5 M-F. Why is this so important? I am very routine-centric. I accomplish more when I can maintain a routine. Get up at the same time. Eat at the same time. Exercise at the same time. Work at the same time.

While I'm dreaming I might as well put in a distance requirement. This job can be no further than a 15 minute drive from my house. This will minimize the time I waste transporting. With a job that close, I could also ride my bike more.

(to be continued)

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.